Javier Says

Javier,

I was totally amazed at your newly acquired lamp switching skills. It seems hard work pays -where you are, at least. You probably have been told this by thousands of admirers already but I just have to say it once more: You’re awesome.

I need some career advice, I really hope you can spare a moment from your busy training schedule and give me some precious guidance. I hate my workplace and can’t wait to get out. I am planning my exit even in my sleep. Do you think I should make it an exciting one (whereby I swear, throw things, flip a PC screen or two) or should I show maturity and professionalism and depart quietly. You will appreciate the former scenario plays in my head constantly and seems like an extremely exciting prospect.
What do you advise?

Sincerely,
Fed Up

Dear Fed Up,

This is clearly a tricky situation. Your head tells you to be mature and do things the “right” way yet your heart is pushing you to do the exact opposite. When I am faced with a situation like this, I am always sure to do one thing- check my food bowl first. The way I see it, if I’m going to get in trouble I want to make sure I have a little cat food to tide me over since I know I won’t be getting any treats for a while after I knock the lamp off the end table and tear up a big pile of tax paperwork I found on the table.

I’d probably pick an incredibly inconvenient time for my departure but do it in a classy way. You might even get a grooming and some catnip out of it, if you are lucky!

Your friend,
Javier

Javier, Looking Good

Hello dear readers. It’s certainly been a while since I last blogged. The past year has been a busy one, with my new friend Wiggins (a grizzled old guy with a heart of gold who came in off the rough streets of Albany, California), Coles (my long-time nemesis/almost brother)  and Kai (the dark temptress who won’t let me get too close). We’ve had our ups and downs, but my “parents” are finally back from London and they’re taking me and Coles away to a new home.

One of the interesting new things I’ve learned over the last year is how to operate a lamp with my mouth. Who knew it was as easy as pulling the chain! It’s an excellent way to wake people up, especially when it’s 3:50am and I am feeling hungry. Sometimes I turn the light off eight or nine times in a row to get extra attention. It’s great. So great, I’ve posted a video of me turning the light off after successfully waking up my human companions:

Javier and Coles: together forever

I’m sure you have all been thinking about me over the holidays and wondering what I’ve been up to. Mostly hanging out with Coles, as usual. As you can see in the photo above, I like to inspect him as he returns to the house to make sure he hasn’t been doing anything bad by sniffing him for hints of trouble. It’s kind of like going through security at the airport, except I don’t completely rob him of his dignity.

Coles: Jungle Cat

Coles has been pretty busy since he found the lemon tree. He loves climbing up inside the tree and hiding where he can’t be seen. I personally have not mastered the art of tree climbing. In fact, I’d much rather be in the kitchen eating or sprawled out on the bed. Coles has perfected the “wild” look, he probably things it makes him more attractive to the ladies (though I don’t think Kai, our new roommate, has ‘Jungle Fever’ yet).

I hope you’ve all been having a nice New Year so far. I will be here, as usual, waiting to dole out my special brand of wise advice.

I know my readers have been waiting to see what I’ve been up to on my extended vacation in Albany, so I had my “grandma” take some photos of my recent adventure in the yard. I was outside minding my own business when all of the sudden this small gray animal with a bushy tail (sort of like my tail, but less attractive) showed up:

I was shocked. This “thing” was certainly not a cat. Coles joined in when he heard about what was going on in the yard:

We didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t sure if it was venomous, or if maybe it had much larger friends lurking nearby, so we didn’t get too close:

As it turns out, this animal is called a “squirrel.”

I’m sure you are all wondering how I celebrated Halloween yesterday. Grandpa made us  hats, so Coles and I got to be witches. Well, man-witches:

Javier lounges around the house in his Halloween Costume

Coles was slightly less comfortable in his hat:

Coles poses in his Halloween costume

Dear Javier,

-Mable Olivia Miller

Me, with my buddy Coles relaxing in Albany

Dear M.O.M.-

Thanks for your interest in my well-being. Living with my grandparents has certainly been different. For one thing, I have a new arch-nemesis named Kai, which has allowed me to forge closer ties with Coles (see the photo above). I enjoy the quality time here because “grandpa” is retired and gets to hang out with us all the time, and “grandma” comes home and lets me outside the minute she gets home. The best part about that is that Grandma gives me treats as a reward for coming in when she calls. I always go outside when she opens the door, because I know I’ll get fed just for walking back in the door! It doesn’t get much better than that.  Somehow, I’ve managed to keep my trim figure but Coles appears to be packing on the pounds- he can’t get enough Fancy Feast.

Sometimes I miss my “parents” but it’s a nice change of pace living in the East Bay. We actually have heating here, so my paws don’t go numb while I’m sleeping any more the way they did in our unheated apartment in San Francisco. Also, I don’t have to pose for as many degrading photos.

For other cats in this situation, my advice is to milk it for all it’s worth!

Yours truly,

Javier

While my “mom and dad” are away in London, I’m still here in the Bay Area. I’ve moved over the East Bay where I have access to a garden and lots of treats from “grandma”. No more late nights out in the Castro for this kitty!

Fake Javier fools the camera in London

Due to my East Bay location, there was commotion in London this afternoon after the above “Javier sighting” in Golders Green. My “dad” snapped the photo above, but as this orange and white beauty turned around, it quickly became apparent that it was an impostor. While clearly an attractive cat, he clearly lacks my charm and good posture.

I’ll try to keep you posted on my activities as I enjoy my new temporary home. Right now, I’ve got my paws full destroying plants, eating Coles’ food and terrorizing the resident cat, Kai.

I was browsing the internet the other day, looking for cat-themed news items to post on this blog, when I discovered a breed called the “Norwegian Forest Cat.” Intrigued by such an exotic-sounding name, I clicked on the link only to find a spitting image of myself! The long-standing puzzle that is my ancestry has finally be resolved. Looking for more information, I went to wikipedia to read up on the breed and to search for additional photos. Look what I found:

Norwegian Forest Cat, via wikipedia

It’s me, well it’s me if I packed on a few pounds and started blow-drying my fur in the morning. The description of the breed explains why I don’t mind being sprayed with water- I could be buried chin deep in snow and I’d be fine thanks to my thick and luxurious coat! Let’s not test that theory though.

In addition to my fur, tufted ears, large size, and manly paws, my green eyes are a giveaway to my Norwegian ancestry. Here’s another photo from wikipedia:

Large Norwegian Forest Cat

Before you get any nickname ideas, don’t even think of calling me “Wegie.” Wikipedia indicates that “the nickname of ‘Wegie’ began in the United States and is a shortened version of the word Norwegian.” The best Norwegian name I could find that would substitute nicely for Javier is “Haavard” which I may choose to use on the Seventeenth of May. For those of you that aren’t familiar, that’s our national holiday in Norway (also known as Syttende Mai).

Long live Norway, and my exotic history! All I can imagine is that a pair of Norwegian Forest Cats were brought to Berkeley as companions for a visiting professor (from Norway, of course) and I was somehow separated from the family at a young age. Maybe I’m not a bastard after all.

The flag of Norway

While I’m not advocating the use of mind-altering substances in humans (who are actually the primary readers of this blog), I sure do love taking a couple hits of catnip every once in a while. Admittedly, I have no trouble amusing myself without catnip- breaking things, eating and sleeping take up most of my time. Now and again though, I like to kick back with a green bag of mother nature’s finest. Wondering how catnip works? Take a look at this instructional video: