Javier Says

Happy New Year from Javier

admin — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 21:11:17 +0000

Javier and Coles: together forever

I’m sure you have all been thinking about me over the holidays and wondering what I’ve been up to. Mostly hanging out with Coles, as usual. As you can see in the photo above, I like to inspect him as he returns to the house to make sure he hasn’t been doing anything bad by sniffing him for hints of trouble. It’s kind of like going through security at the airport, except I don’t completely rob him of his dignity.

Coles: Jungle Cat

Coles has been pretty busy since he found the lemon tree. He loves climbing up inside the tree and hiding where he can’t be seen. I personally have not mastered the art of tree climbing. In fact, I’d much rather be in the kitchen eating or sprawled out on the bed. Coles has perfected the “wild” look, he probably things it makes him more attractive to the ladies (though I don’t think Kai, our new roommate, has ‘Jungle Fever’ yet).

I hope you’ve all been having a nice New Year so far. I will be here, as usual, waiting to dole out my special brand of wise advice.

Javier discovers a new species of animal

admin — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 21:54:33 +0000

I know my readers have been waiting to see what I’ve been up to on my extended vacation in Albany, so I had my “grandma” take some photos of my recent adventure in the yard. I was outside minding my own business when all of the sudden this small gray animal with a bushy tail (sort of like my tail, but less attractive) showed up:

I was shocked. This “thing” was certainly not a cat. Coles joined in when he heard about what was going on in the yard:

We didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t sure if it was venomous, or if maybe it had much larger friends lurking nearby, so we didn’t get too close:

As it turns out, this animal is called a “squirrel.”

Javier and Coles Celebrate Halloween

admin — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 18:40:28 +0000

I’m sure you are all wondering how I celebrated Halloween yesterday. Grandpa made us hats, so Coles and I got to be witches. Well, man-witches:

Javier lounges around the house in his Halloween Costume

Coles was slightly less comfortable in his hat:

Coles poses in his Halloween costume

A reader asks: How is life with your grandparents?

admin — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 10:42:11 +0000

Dear Javier,

How is living with your grandparents working out for you? Are you enjoying the quality time you’ve been spending with them? Do you miss your parents or is being long distance from your overbearing parents a big relief? What’s the best thing that’s happened to you in the east bay? What advice do you have for other cats living with grandparents?

-Mable Olivia Miller

Me, with my buddy Coles relaxing in Albany

Dear M.O.M.-

Thanks for your interest in my well-being. Living with my grandparents has certainly been different. For one thing, I have a new arch-nemesis named Kai, which has allowed me to forge closer ties with Coles (see the photo above). I enjoy the quality time here because “grandpa” is retired and gets to hang out with us all the time, and “grandma” comes home and lets me outside the minute she gets home. The best part about that is that Grandma gives me treats as a reward for coming in when she calls. I always go outside when she opens the door, because I know I’ll get fed just for walking back in the door! It doesn’t get much better than that. Somehow, I’ve managed to keep my trim figure but Coles appears to be packing on the pounds- he can’t get enough Fancy Feast.

Sometimes I miss my “parents” but it’s a nice change of pace living in the East Bay. We actually have heating here, so my paws don’t go numb while I’m sleeping any more the way they did in our unheated apartment in San Francisco. Also, I don’t have to pose for as many degrading photos.

For other cats in this situation, my advice is to milk it for all it’s worth!

Yours truly,

Javier

I’m not in London

admin — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 17:48:44 +0000

While my “mom and dad” are away in London, I’m still here in the Bay Area. I’ve moved over the East Bay where I have access to a garden and lots of treats from “grandma”. No more late nights out in the Castro for this kitty!

Fake Javier fools the camera in London

Due to my East Bay location, there was commotion in London this afternoon after the above “Javier sighting” in Golders Green. My “dad” snapped the photo above, but as this orange and white beauty turned around, it quickly became apparent that it was an impostor. While clearly an attractive cat, he clearly lacks my charm and good posture.

I’ll try to keep you posted on my activities as I enjoy my new temporary home. Right now, I’ve got my paws full destroying plants, eating Coles’ food and terrorizing the resident cat, Kai.

I’m a Norwegian Forest Cat!

admin — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 05:11:32 +0000

I was browsing the internet the other day, looking for cat-themed news items to post on this blog, when I discovered a breed called the “Norwegian Forest Cat.” Intrigued by such an exotic-sounding name, I clicked on the link only to find a spitting image of myself! The long-standing puzzle that is my ancestry has finally be resolved. Looking for more information, I went to wikipedia to read up on the breed and to search for additional photos. Look what I found:

Norwegian Forest Cat, via wikipedia

It’s me, well it’s me if I packed on a few pounds and started blow-drying my fur in the morning. The description of the breed explains why I don’t mind being sprayed with water- I could be buried chin deep in snow and I’d be fine thanks to my thick and luxurious coat! Let’s not test that theory though.

In addition to my fur, tufted ears, large size, and manly paws, my green eyes are a giveaway to my Norwegian ancestry. Here’s another photo from wikipedia:

Large Norwegian Forest Cat

Before you get any nickname ideas, don’t even think of calling me “Wegie.” Wikipedia indicates that “the nickname of ‘Wegie’ began in the United States and is a shortened version of the word Norwegian.” The best Norwegian name I could find that would substitute nicely for Javier is “Haavard” which I may choose to use on the Seventeenth of May. For those of you that aren’t familiar, that’s our national holiday in Norway (also known as Syttende Mai).

Long live Norway, and my exotic history! All I can imagine is that a pair of Norwegian Forest Cats were brought to Berkeley as companions for a visiting professor (from Norway, of course) and I was somehow separated from the family at a young age. Maybe I’m not a bastard after all.

The flag of Norway

How Catnip Gets Cats High

admin — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 16:14:49 +0000

While I’m not advocating the use of mind-altering substances in humans (who are actually the primary readers of this blog), I sure do love taking a couple hits of catnip every once in a while. Admittedly, I have no trouble amusing myself without catnip- breaking things, eating and sleeping take up most of my time. Now and again though, I like to kick back with a green bag of mother nature’s finest. Wondering how catnip works? Take a look at this instructional video:

Javier’s money saving tips for the recession

admin — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 06:14:36 +0000

Dear Javier,

During this ongoing recession, I’ve been finding that I need to cut back on expenses and save money. I was wondering if you had any tips for those of us trying to be more thrifty. Also, I was wondering if the economy affected you at all? I know that you’re a cat who enjoys the finest things in life, whether it be caviar, imported drinking water, or a luxurious fur coat. Have you had to make any personal cutbacks in your spending habits or your lifestyle? Also, has your stock portfolio been doing OK?

Trying to save up some scratch in Tucson

Dear TTSUSSIT,

Hard times have spread across the land. You are correct. The Google Ad Sense checks aren’t coming in as frequently any more, now that people are cutting back on fancy products and grooming services for their pets. I’m even considering a side job to supplement my income, although it’s going to be hard for me to find one when I’m competing against other candidates with opposable thumbs.

One money saving tip is to steal food. I try this almost every time Coles and I are eating. I sit really close to his plate and give him the eye and the second he stops chewing I move in and score the rest of his dinner. I can see this working at restaurants too, just walk in and stark asking people “are you done with that?”.

Always maintain your savings

I also highly advise a savings account. I have a shelf full of tuna at home that was purchased when it was on sale.

The only cutback I had to make was sleeping on a towel for a while instead of getting the canopy bed I really wanted. I also settled for grooming at home this month instead of getting the “lion cut” I was dreaming of. If you don’t know what a “lion cut” is you’ll have to look it up yourself.

Yours truly,

Javier

Wine Anxiety

admin — Fri, 15 May 2009 07:25:20 +0000

Nothing like a fine cabernet

Dear Javier,

I feel inadequate every time I go out to a dinner with business associates and my colleagues start talking about wine. Everyone seems to have something to say except for me. How can I avoid making a fool out of myself the next time I find myself in this predicament?

Sincerely,

Wineless in Wisconsin

Dear Wineless,

Generally, when I am unfamiliar with something I do a lot of sniffing and tentative licking. This is probably a bad idea with red wine, especially if you have a lot of white fur (like me) but it works great with other non-staining beverages. Just wait until nobody is looking and dip your front paw in the glass and then suck the liquid out of your fur. I have done this many, many times around the house and my “parents” have only caught me a few times. If they only knew!

Anyway, on to wine. There are a lot of great phrases you can use to make yourself sound really smart. When someone says “beautiful nose” about a glass of wine, he or she is not talking about that patch of orange fur I like to call my “beauty mark.” They actually mean the wine smells good. “Good mouthfeel” is not about chewing on someones paycheck or social security card (oops! sorry about that…) but rather the way the wine hits your tongue. I could go on and on but maybe you should just read this article over at the Boston Magazine.

Best of luck on your next dinner outing,

Javier

Does anyone else out there have a question for me? I would love to answer it. Just send me an email: javier@javiersays.com. I’m looking forward to hearing from you!

How to stop being a “scardy cat” in public

admin — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 06:09:24 +0000

Dear Javier,

I don’t know exactly when this started, but over the last few years I’ve developed a fierce aversion to crowds. I used to go to outdoor concerts, street fairs, art openings, whatever… by myself or with friends, without hesitation. Now, I can’t tolerate Safeway, the movies, most bars, or even a crowded sidewalk. And MUNI… let’s not even go there! I’m basically avoiding people these days, yet I still crave social interaction. I love this city, and all it has to offer, but I’m just not playing well with others right now. I find myself turning down invitations right and left to parties, events, etc. I need some advice on how to deal with this, especially with tourist season now upon us. Any thoughts?

The Hermit of Haight Street

Dear Hermit,

OMG! I have the same problem! It’s almost like you were reading my mind. When there are parties at my house I often sleep in a box or hide under the table for hours, wanting for it to all be over. Someone usually drags me out and encourages me to face my fears by trying to make me look “cute” and builld up my confidence, but it rarely works and I often retreat to the litter box because it’s the only place where nobody bothers me (for good reason).

A few key things to take care of when you go out of the house:

Get all of your outdoor shots so you don’t end up with rabies or worse. Actually, rabies is about as bad as it gets.
If you need extra security, consider wearing a harness. I have a nice sturdy purple one that I like to wear in the yard. My buddy Coles has one too. Our harnesses keep us feeling secure, and we look great lounging in the sun.
Always be prepared and bring things you’ll need to be comfortable: blankets, toys, sedatives, a raincoat- whatever you think will come in handy.
Most importantly, learn about your likes and dislikes so you can find an environment where you’ll have a good time.
It sounds like most of the places you mention don’t have any seating, maybe you should try going to events where you can plop down and make yourself at home. I’ve learned to be comfortable sitting in almost any position, which comes in handy.
Always bring food with you. Sometimes I let some tuna soak into my neck fur and I can suck it out later if I need a little reassuring comfort in the form of a treat! Do you have a beard?

I hope you have luck in implementing some of my suggestions. I look forward to seeing you at Bay to Breakers, Dolores Park and the Folsom Street Fair!

Yours truly,

Javier