Riley in his fancy hat.

One of my loyal readers submitted the following bio for Riley, this week’s Cat of the Week:

I am an East Bay native and I think I’m 50% tabby, 50% Maine Coon, but my name is Riley due to my Irish cultural heritage and my charming green eyes.

I like people, I absolutely love smelling shoes, and my favorite activity is sleeping on clean laundry.

Sometimes I dress up for the holidays [see Christmas hat], but mostly I prefer lounging about in the ‘nude.’ I don’t have many friends, so I enjoy quiet activities alone or with the company of ‘people’ rather than ‘cats.’ I currently live with a dreadfully intolerable female cat who’s caused me to swear off woman once and for all – for good.

Wow! How could I not make a nudist Irishman with a shoe fetish my Cat of the Week? Last time I saw Riley was about a year ago when I was recovering from surgery. It was an unfortunate time to be meeting, because I had to wear one of those special collars and I had just had a very dear part of my anatomy removed. Riley and I didn’t have much to say but at least he didn’t try to eat me or rip out my stitches like my housemate Coles.

Koko and Charco relax on a pillow

In the words of one of my readers:

These cats live with your landlord’s boss. In this picture, they are taking a break from fighting like big jungle cats, even though they are both very little cats (approx 6 pounds each). The orange one is named Charco, which means “mud puddle” in Spanish, and the black one is named Koko, which means “cricket” in Japanese. Neither of them speak either of those languages. Charco has a bit of a little sister relationship to Koko, just happy to tag along. Koko has a bit of a big sister relationship to Charco, either giving her a hard time or ignoring her completely.

I might point out that the two of these cats together weigh less than me. I’m big-boned though, really.

Another classy shot of Charco:

Charco relaxes on a pillow

And now, a much awaited reader question:

Dear Javier,

I am not a cat, though I like many things that are feline. I like the
whimsical attitude taken to a ball of yarn or flicking string. I like
the cunning stalker quality of the predator puss. I like the fur coat,
unless, of course, it has gotten wet and thus all matted up. However
that is all secondary to my obsession. My question for you, my dear
Javier, is how to gain the flexibility, that you so deftly execute?
What sort of timetable might I look forward to, before I will be able
to gain access to those hard to reach places for a proper cat bath?

Thanking you in advance,

Cat scratch fever

Dear CSF,

I have a confession to make (for some reason I feel like I say that a lot). I am not very flexible, nor do I have a particularly good sense of balance. I groom my front paws, but that’s about it. My human companions groom me all the time to keep my fur looking good. When I lived on my own (on the rough streets of Berkeley) I had dreadlocks EVERYWHERE. This was way back in the day, before tree-sitting was cool. It wasn’t a fashion statement back then, it was because I have such a hard time grooming myself.

I have heard that yoga is good for gaining flexibility, but I don’t leave the house much and when I do I’m usually in a purple harness (I’ll have to explain that later).

Regards,

Javier

Lately I’ve developed a real drinking problem. I tell myself every night that I’ll behave myself — that I’ll stick to milk or water or even tea — but night and night again I find myself drinking cocktails like water. This habit is beginning to affect my health and happiness and it feels as if my life is spinning out of control. My friends also have drinking problems and I don’t want to lose my friends; how can I keep my friends and stay sober? What tips do you have for me? How can I get my life back? How can I gain control?

- Out of Control

Dear OOC,

I have a confession to make, I’m an addict too. I can’t stop chewing on plants. No matter what type of plant it is, I need to put my teeth in it. Even if it tastes bad, I’ll still chew on it. People have stopped letting me come over and I was banned from several rooms in my own home.

How have I been dealing with this? I keep myself away from anything leafy. I know it’s hard to stay away from alcohol, but I think you need to avoid the temptation. You need to stay away from bars the way I stay away from flower shows and plant shops. While you might worry about losing those friends, they might be inspired if you take the lead and find more wholesome activities like grooming yourself or catching moths.

Yours truly,

Javier

Dear HMBH,

Bad breath is a problem many of us face, especially those of us that enjoy “Venison & Peas” flavored cat food. I’d suggest offering your coworker some delicious fish-flavored dental chews. These definitely do the trick for me, and they help clean my teeth so I don’t have to get any (more) of them removed.

Yours truly,

Javier

MMMM Tuna!

The vet says I weigh 16 pounds.

I forgot to mention yesterday that I went to the vet over the weekend. Apparently, I have gained a pound (which is actually quite a bit for a cat). While it may have something to do with the fact that I am on steroids (long story), I am switching over to a high fiber/low calorie food for a while in hopes of slimming down a bit.

The only other news from the vet is that I really don’t like having my temperature taken.